Month: June 2021

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Today is our 55th Anniversary. (I stopped at that word anniversary and wondered should it be capitalized or not. I decided it was a big enough deal that it deserved all the attention it could get.) We were married on Saturday night June 25th, 1966, in Teaneck, New Jersey. It was a big and lavish wedding. The kind that couldn’t begin till after sunset because the family Rabbi wouldn’t begin to travel from Queens to Teaneck till there were three stars in the sky. Dinner was served around 11:00 and you went home with the NY Times. We went to Bermuda on our honeymoon and began a life filled with lots and lots of love and lots and lots of laughter and lots and lots of challenges and lots and lots of compromise and lots and lots of blessings.

The secret to our marriage is simple. It is Eileen, known today as “GE”. She is first and foremost the one person in the world who really knows me. She is my best of besties. She knows what makes me laugh; what makes me cry; what I am proud of; what I am ashamed of; what I wish were different; what I wish will continue forever. She is a storyteller and a gift giver. She can tell you the story of how we met and what she said to me at the wedding of our friends’ when I asked her to dance. I still remember the black long dress with the white decolletage. She had ample cleavage to make it more than memorable. She gives gifts for every occasion to people I think we barely know. But try and buy her a gift!

Her greatest gift is her gift of love; a love that is laced with understanding and ‘negotiation’; a love that is littered with encouragement and wisdom; a love that makes me a better person and can’t be limited by words on a page. Has it been easy and without bumps? This is life I am talking about. This is being a clergy family I am reflecting on. She hates the word “Rebbitzen” but ask her to tell you the story that happened in the kitchen of the Temple’s Social Hall and let me tell you she has been the best Rabbinic spouse there could be because she defined her role as CEO – chief encouragement officer. And first in line to critique and first in line to keep me in line. And she lived her own professional life from teacher to Julia Child to mother to Holocaust Educator to teacher again and always.

Has it been perfect? Life is not a Hallmark Card. Has it been wonderful? It has been passionate; it has been crazy fun and crazy maddening. The arc of our love hasn’t been symmetrical, but it has soared, and it has filled and completed me in ways I never expected.  Yes! It’s been wonderful. And here is the best part; It has been together and it’s not over. The song we danced to at our wedding was “More”. To more and to whatever we have left: I love you.

ps – you will have to ask her the story of the Mustang

They Call It Savoring

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I love changing the desktop background on my laptop. Every few weeks I right click on the screen and look for a new photo that matches my mood. They almost always come from the arsenal of digital photos that live in my cloud. This is a Baobab tree in South Africa that can’t get enough of the world it inhabits. I didn’t know the concept when I took this picture, but it would definitely live in my gratitude album today.

It’s really a simple idea that I read about in a Times ten-day challenge to learn new habits for mindful living. It is day eight. Some of the other techniques are equally fascinating like the five-finger breathing meditation and the exercise snack. (Instead of reaching for a cookie, reach for the wall and do a set of wall push-ups.) Then have the cookie, just kidding (about the cookie not the push-up).

Here’s my take on gratitude photography and why it works for me. I carry my phone with me almost everywhere I go – my note-taker, calendar, teacher, shopping cart, and a window to the world. But for this: my easy access camera.

Gratitude photography suggests that we notice the things and people around us we often take for granted. Gratitude photography invites you to be surprised by the world you live in. I’ve begun doing it on my morning walk. The very act of observing the mushroom growing out of the gravel; the fire hydrant on the edge of the lake; the minivan on its final journey that gave 16 years of service; the smile on someone you love; the green that is like no other green of the moss after it rains.

They call it savoring; making an effort to notice our surroundings and appreciate the people, things and relationships that make us happy. I don’t know if it is a game changer but according to the article scientists say that savoring exercises “can lead to meaningful gains in happiness and well-being.” I’ll go with that. So, I am trying it. One a day if possible. I don’t think it has to be the most well crafted photograph. It invites you to notice, appreciate and be grateful. It is one of the pathways to joy. Here’s two.

Gratitude Photos

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What You Can Learn When You Don’t Know Your Learning

Here’s one of my secret passions. I love America’s Got Talent. I’m not as faithful a fan as I could be. I usually watch it on Facebook. Someone posts a contestant’s presentation and I click the enlarge button and turn on my sound. After email and the newspaper (along with the mini crossword) FB is my third activity of the day. Not counting coffee.

This morning a woman who goes by the name “Nightbirde” inspired me. She sang a song she wrote called “Its OK”. It is touching and soft and gentle and affirming. Especially when you know the back story of her ongoing struggle with Cancer. While talking with Simon (you gotta know who Simon is) she just throws out this simple, profound and challenging line. “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to decide to be happy.”

“Wow”, Simon says on AGT. Wow I echo from behind my screen. I don’t know how she (Jane) knows this or heard this but there is so much to unpack in these amazing words that it doesn’t matter what their origin. I am tempted to parse it phrase by phrase, like Rashi does Torah. But you get it. There is less in our control than we like; there is more in our control than we can imagine.

Maybe it isn’t true in all stages of life, but it is now. Don’t wait until life isn’t hard. Just living is hard; just staying healthy is hard. Just accepting that this is what’s real and this is what I have right now is hard. And I can lift it up or let it pull me down but sometimes, too many times, I can’t change it.

Don’t wait to decide to be happy. To decide to be happy. Whether it’s a struggle or comes easily and naturally happiness is a decision. Not always a simple one and sometimes we need help to make that decision. Help like love. Help like people we care about and who care about us. Help that comes in the form of chemicals. Help that comes in dreams or prayers or words like God, family, friends, tomorrow, sunshine. Even golf and garden.

It’s been a long time since I posted anything on this blog.I often think about why. And sometimes I start to write but a voice inside says it isn’t quite good enough. I guess Nightbirde spoke to me in ways that transcended the RAM and CPU that make up the guts of this machine on my lap. Don’t wait. So It’s not perfect.