It is Yom Kippur morning, and some people probably are thinking what is he doing using the computer. But what do you do in between waking up and heading to Synagogue since if fasting there is no coffee to make and no cereal to pour. I reread my Yizkor Drash (that means short sermon) and decided that even if it needed more editing, it was done.  I tried to sleep late but that didn’t work – it never does for me; if I sleep past seven, I must be sick.

And so, I’m thinking about my sins. Don’t worry I am not confessing them to you. (at least not in lurid detail.) What a loaded word, “sin”. Like there is a universal standard; I am more inclined to a sliding scale. In the Yom Kippur liturgy, there is a prayer that lists our sins alphabetically. In that spirit I am going to concentrate only on the “Ses” – is that how you pluralize the letter “S”?

Some of you know me well and won’t be surprised by this litany. You can probably add a few more – feel free – in the spirit of this day, I can take it – I know I don’t know all my shortcomings and maybe that is its own blessing or sin. I am starting with stubborn.

It is hard for me to admit I am wrong, and it is hard for me to ask for advice (or directions). Although and I was going to save this admission for the end the ageing process is making that easier. (Ageing process — I really mean getting older or if I am really confessing here: I really mean getting old. Period.) And I think that everything I cook is delicious and I think that all the words I write are profound and I have a hard time telling Eileen she is right which is probably my biggest mistake on many levels.

I’m also selfish. It’s a silent kind of selfish. I would give my kids and grandchildren anything in my power they asked for (almost). But I am nowhere near as selfless as Eileen who is one of the best gift givers almost to a fault. There’s another sin: Judging her by my artificial standard. But back to selfish. In my retirement I am beginning to like that word – it is ok to think of your own needs and wants as long as it isn’t exclusive to all others. I’m back to sin on a sliding scale.

But enough: It is time to get ready for Judaism’s communal confession – time to get ready for services and find in the ancient prayers contemporary words that will enter my heart. I’ll save the rest of my confessions for the prayer book.