There is so much swirling in my mind that I don’t know where to begin. I could begin with what is happening on too many of our finest colleges and universities. The other night Eileen and I were talking with two of our grandchildren – Corey was sharing people posting about the lockdown at the Kosher dining room at Cornell and Sammy was sharing about the competing demonstrations at Tulane which ended in violence as two demonstrators on a truck were burning an Israeli flag. Or go right to the pages of the newspapers or visuals on our multiple screens as we are bombarded with images of the sad and terrifying consequences of hatred and war.

But if I am really true to myself, I should begin simply. I am living with a pit in my stomach. Every time someone asks me how I am, I have to weigh my answer. Do they really want to know that I am angry, tearful, sad, feeling impotent, frustrated, and pretending to be fine. Do they really want to know that I am unsuccessfully trying to limit the amount of news I consume on a daily basis? Do they really want to know how worried I am about Israel and America on many fronts?

Rabbi Lawrence Hoffman, Ph.D. is one of my teachers. He taught liturgy at the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in New York and was one of the founders of Synagogue 2000. He continues to teach through his blogs and newsletter called “An Open Letter To My Students.” In his latest letter, he opens:

“Here’s what I know about the war: Hamas is a radicalized terrorist group that would slaughter every Jew in Israel, if it could: think of it as “another six million.” Israel must try to eliminate it. Israel must also try to limit collateral damage to Gaza civilians. But war is hell and there is no way to avoid at least some such casualties, especially because of the way Hamas embeds itself among civilians and their institutions. 

I know something else also: Jews are news; and the media are happily pandering to a public that cannot get enough of blood and gore, this time factual, not fictional, so all the more sensational and saleable – like those “True crime” series, but “True War” instead. I know also that except for ever-new examples of wartime horror, most of the pundits, analysts, and commentators don’t know anything more than I do. Anyone who knows the important stuff, like the Israelis’ actual military strategy, can’t talk about it.”

He’s right you know. There’s a lot we don’t know and the absolute right of Israel to defend itself is non-negotiable. Here’s things I don’t know. I don’t know what the end game is going to be. I don’t know as the war gets messier (as it has in the last few days) how long our friends are going to stick with us. I don’t know how to balance my sympathy for innocent deaths of civilians in Gaza with my belief that the IDF is waging a war against an enemy that has no regard for human life (Arab or Israeli) and would slaughter us all if it could. I don’t know why we even distinguish between American and Israeli hostages. They are all innocent and they all deserve to come home alive. I don’t know what to do next.

This much I think I know. It is not business as usual. And if you gave to the organization of your choice to support Israel – give again. And if you have given to help fight the rising tide of antisemitism – give again. And above all: whatever your relationship with this thing we call Judaism – wear it with pride – find a way to express what it means to you – and celebrate it.

Go to Synagogue; Buy Israeli wine; Be proud on social media; Light an extra candle for the 200 plus hostages; Wear a blue ribbon. blueribbonsforisrael.org Thank your senator or representative in congress for supporting Israel even if you are not in tune with the rest of their agenda. Ask the organization of your choice how you can help. Don’t hide your feelings – and if you are conflicted by all of this – know this: you are not alone. We need each other now more than ever. Find your community and be with it.